Woof Woof

Oops sorry key stuck. Okay okay no it didn’t I just wanted to make a grand entrance….. as is my way. Why walk in when you can build up a run, take a flying leap and WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFF while you fly through the air, half the fun is finding out where you land…..hmmmmm, there have be a few not so pleasant landings but in the main it’s pretty kewl and when you see everyone going “awwww it’s Scruffy, it’s even better, I pucker up my head, put extra effort into making sure my ears are at right angles as I fly through the air, and adapt that kewl superman pose with one paw out in front ……it’s pretty spectacular, but my timing is not always as it should be. Like the time the lift wasn’t quite right and me cape got caught on a large yucca, one minute I was heading east the next west with a yucca blade stuck in somewhere unmentionable and of course it would happen when that hot girlie poodle was watching…….to die oh to die, but I rallied and simply walked over wiggling my ass as though it was actually a dangerous stunt that had just got right…..ruddy hell did I suffer for days after though those yuccas have no mercy, be warned!

The big yellow thing is the sky was out today, and those pesky birds were at full pitch, I reckon they must be rehearsing for that Eurovision Song contest thing. Well listen up feathered noise makers, you don’t stand a chance, you lot sound like the time all those cats “somehow” ended up in a big barrel when “somehow “ the lid got put on and the Witherwick Pussy Cat society gave its first recital. It wasn’t pleasant then and it hasn’t improved since and the Witherwick Birdie Society is WORSE if that is possible!. If I hear that little blue tit with it’s little piercing whizzle once more it’s for the pie……then again they are good for a game of chase…..hmmmm…..there will have to be pros and cons list me thinks.

Oh before I forget cuz Chris was 21 the other day, “Happy Big birthday cuz Chris wish you had one every day as that cheesecake Grandma “made” was so so so scrummy!!!!. Mum wasn’t a bit pleased though and I don’t know why, she said she was full after her dinner so why the big fuss when I helped her out and ate all the cheesecake. I was being helpful, geez you can’t win around here. It’s great that soft malloweee stuff it sticks to me beard and I can just get my tongue to lick on it for days….yyyyyuuuuummmmyyyy. Mum keeps trying to wash it, every time I turn around she has my doggie flannel……well I don’t get these women at all…..and never will….and it’s just not happening, it’s my beard, my cheesecake storage space and mine to do with what I want……so huh to that!!

Oh guess what, we have millions and I mean millions of these little black things with tails in the pond, Mum calls them tadphones, dunno how they work or how you make a phone call but she says they are brill??????? They are all wiggly and there is this white jelly stuff with a black eye in it, it’s WEIRD, it looks at you and then wiggles…..I’m not sure about all these tadphones so don’t think I’ll be doing much yet other than keeping my eye on them. I think they have hypnotised the frogs too, there seems to have been a big increase in the number about, they can’t all be looking for contracts with the new tadphones surely……it’s all a big mystery to me. All I know is everytime I stretch out by the pond these days there’s a hop and a frog lands somewhere in the vicinity, Mum had a friend around the other day and he was all a quiver about this crested newt thing….couldn’t get it myself, just looked like a black lizard to me….humans they are funny. Anyway, I’ll keep an eye on the tadphones for you and let you know what the story is and what plans and the rates when it all becomes clearer. For now it’s all just tadphones everywhere but I’m on the case.

Right, I’m off to do another patrol around the garden….and maybe even a couple either side. It’s amazing what you can find not far away, my ball collection is not in treble figures and growing. I say if a ball is not accompanied it’s mine, and that’s the law in doggie parliament…….so there.

How’s everyone? I’m kewl…..and bad (that’s street speek in case you didn’t know)! Well what is going on, where is it, why hasn’t it arrived, has somebody stolen it….?? I have been practicing and practicing and practicing and it’s not easy post Christmas when my tummy is a little rotund, well okay a lot rotund from the delights and treats of the festive season. Wish we could have it everyday…Christmas that is…..woof woof woof to that is what I say, Christmas every day…….yippee!

Anyway, I digress (note the big word), as I said I have been practicing harder than those guys prepping for the Olympics down in the BIG SMOKE! And nothing, zilch, nada, sausage less…….I’m disgusted…..totally gutted and it’s enough to make a dog get transmogrified, but Mum has locked up the Baileys again…..hhhhmmmmfffff!!!!!……It wasn’t my fault, it just kinds fell outta the cupboard and the lid just kinda opened, she reckons there are teeth marks but I’m very careful with that kind of thing…..and it just kinda poured out ya see. So what was a doggie to do, I was being helpful, licking it up so to speak…..helping Mum, but oh no, I got a roasting, I got the “in the dog-house” treatment…..oh yeah, no consideration to the fact my belly was so SICK, my head like a machine gun on speed, and my mouth dry as an elephants armpit the next day, I was suffering big time just cause I HELPED OUT! Now, I think that constitutes a petition to the Dog Club…….anyone wanting to act on my behalf feel free! Ungrateful *******! Next time I’ll just roll in it to absorb it and see how she likes that!

The mad babies (grandchildren) have been around and boy I thought I could go for hours and hours but those two take the biscuit (mine probably)…….they should be going to that Olympic thingy too, they would qualify at every event and win every event. The hurdles, you should seen them in the Wendy house with a closed door and a sandpit they filled with water, they were over that door and across that sandpit quicker than any of those up there in the big smoke. As for Javelin throwing, have you ever seen a five/four year olda throw something when she can’t get their own way………watch out is all I’ll say, another Gold no doubt. And as for running when you are in pursuit trying to catch one or the other, well all I can say is Linford Christie would have looked like he was on a zimmerframe in comparison. Give them half a chance and any discipline they will anillate, shot-pot – watch the rate a ball can be thrown where Mum tells them not to throw it, long-jump – watch the length they can jump when there is a puddle and Mum say don’t go in the puddle, high-jump – well actually that’s how high we can jump when they tell us too and we ask how high…….need I go on. I reckon those two will without doubt bring home Gold in every event they participate in…….wipe the board completely and without a day’s training, it just comes naturally.

Right, well that’s me done it’s back to sitting by the patio doors waiting and waiting and waiting for it to come after all the practicing, after all the refining, planning, and hard work……..paw tapping, waiting, paw tapping waiting………wait…………wait……..wait…..is that it…….is that a white flutter I see…….is it about to happen…..*excitement growing*…………PLOP…..ahhh foooeeeee……….false alarm it’s pigeon poop and it’s just landed on my snout! WHERE IS THE SNOW??????????

Scruffy xx

19 - 10th Sept 2011

Woof!

Remember me, the one I'm told looks like a little cute black lamb ........... huh ............... I think I look more like a Rhodesian Ridgeback on amphetamines!!
What are these people seeing?
Well it's been a while and time seems to go past and suddenly it's 4 or 5 months later and I don't remember where the time went. I hear mum saying the same but she just keeps muttering on about she must have the early stages of dementia. Now I know she's demented but she doesn't seem to be getting it ..... !
The good news is I've now got two homes ..... oh yeah ..... I adopted Grandma and Grandad and when no one is looking scoot out of the door and up to theirs ..... it's brill. Up there I get goodies, cuddles, hugs and even the odd shower when they say I stink, I don't stink at all ..... in fact it's a gorgeous smell after rolling in the proverbial stuff ... dunno what all the fuss is about.
Anyway, the gramps have got a roaring fire and everything, sometimes when I stretch out on the rug, they turn me on my back and rub my tummy for ages, I just stretch my head back and pretend I'm asleep and it's YUMMMMMY but don't tell them ....... ssshhhh ...... I even get to shove grandad off the sofa and sniggle up to grandma .... he puts out his pouting lips and tells me I only ever want to play with him, never cuddle ..... well woof, woof ..... he's right .... ! he's awesome with the ball and plays every time .... grandma and mum are for cuddles, he's for the fun bits, but then he goes all soppy wanting the snuggle bits ... he needs to man-up!

Anyway I'd better go as I don't want mum to go out without me, purely in her interest you understand and purely to protect her as she can't be trusted to go out on her own.

I hope everyone is well and we'll catch up again very soon.

Woof for now!

18 - 30th April 2011 - photos of me at work

As I sat at the window
on the eve of that day
I glanced at the sky
and saw me a sleigh

I went out on my doorstep
and said to myself
I know those are reindeer
and a jolly old elf

By the way he was flying
there was something not right
He was yelling and laughing
Could Santa be tight?

He crashed into the roof
and his sled it did pitch
He’d totalled my chimney
the son of a bitch

I have to admit
I got really miffed
I grabbed up my snowgun
with that I won't miss

I then saw him turn
to make one more pass
But he flew right on by
while he showed me his ass

Now the lead reindeers nose glowed
and showed him the way
as he lit on my roof
and fell out of his sleigh

He said with a grin
"I feel kind of weird,
but I can fix that damn chimney"
and poof, it appeared

He slid down the chimney
while laughing with cheer
He popped out of the fireplace
and he passed me a beer

He sat in my arm chair
and said "I'm not bad
it's the places I've been
and the drinks that I've had"

It was Bailey's in Ireland
Whiskey at Donner's Pass
but that Jagermeister in Germany
really kicked my ole ass

He drank seven beers
I think I had three
It was really fun chatting
just him, Mum and me

He said "I'll be going"
up the chimney he went
I could tell by his stagger
he was pretty well spent

He got into his sleigh
There was no HO! HO!
On Dancer! On Prancer!
Oh frig it! Lets go

I did hear him say
as he went out of sight
"I'll be poorely tomorrow
but I feel great tonight"

HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

Well the sun is shining, the birds are singing and the fish have even peeked up to have a look to see if there is life about. It’s a grand day.........I’ve been out rambling around the garden and it’s a like Aladdin’s cave. It’s amazing how many little nooks and crannies you forget about when over the winter you only venture to service bodily functions.
Mum is ranting on about snowdrops and the cheek of her, she let out a bellow when I cocked my leg against a little bunch hiding under the hedge. Well I got such a shock I stopped mid flow and nearly toppled off my three legs! Sometimes Mum just doesn’t understand these male dog predicaments........but rest assured I managed to keep my dignity and steady the poise until equilibrium was restored.
As for the new addition, well the less said about that little urchin the better....she is TROUBLE with a capital T, and I haven’t helped the situation.
See when she arrived I gave her a few tips, one of those being the “head cock with the big sad eyes”.......well I was the master but I have been superseded by you know who. She has it down to a fine art, I have never seen anything like. Get this!.....before she does something naughty, she cocks the head with the big sad eyes (and as an added little trick lifts her right paw and wiggles it) everyone knows she is up to something and they all just giggle and smile and say “what is she planning now”. Well did you ever hear the likes. Most us poor canines have to work hard after we have done something naughty just to get back into the good books, this little article does it before doing anything, get’s everyone on side then does what she likes, when she likes and with who she likes. I have to hold my paws up to her she is genius, but that yelp, she has the most piercing, girlie yelp I have ever heard.
Well everyone loves it is except the ducks in the pond next door to work. Our innocent little friend had never met ducks before (and there about 30 of them) and as she is inclined to do broke through the fencing and went hurtling into next doors garden. She was daft as a brush as she ran after each one, she was like a mad thing.........jumping here and yelping, running there and yelping, and as one duck flew up the air she changed direction and tried another one. She was like something demented......there were quacks and yelps and giggles from everyone watching.......she went round and round in circles and did cartwheels in the air, at one stage she made herself dizzy going around and around and you would swear she had been in the local hostelry, in fact she gave herself an unmerciful whack as she didn’t quite time it right and her face hit her bum with a slap, she didn’t know what happened as she just stood upright, shocked and indignant without a clue. Mind you it didn’t last long she was back, mad as a coot doing the same again within seconds........BUT...... ...the ducks were fed up playing and one by one they gathered around her a circle, driving her this way, driving her that way and she thought it was all such fun.............until .....yep you guessed it they steered her into their duck pond and there was this sploosh and a wave of ripples across the duckpond................Well I howled as did everyone else.........as this bedraggled teddy bear coloured rakish looking “thing” appeared at the edge of the pond scrambling to get out and the more she scrambled with her two front paws the more the grass become muddy and as the mud soften and became wetter it just splattered her straight in the mush. She was snuffling and wuffing and shaking her head like it was her last breathe.......eventually Mum took pity on her and went over and dragged her out. BUT instead of getting a telling off, Mum wrapped her in her arms and cuddled her telling her she was alright.........well I never...I remember doing something similar in our own pond and I got a right ticking off!!!! What’s that about!! But hey, you got to hand it to this little missy, she lapped it up.........the shaking started, the little helpless yelp and the nose mooching under the chin as she burrowed into Mum’s chest............well Mum didn’t stand a chance she had her hooked.
Next thing I know she’s swaddled in the bestest fluffiest towel in the house, and somebody is heating chicken soup for her and she is being hand fed little tiny soft marshmallows. Now if that isn’t enough to make every self respect canine barf I don’t know what is. And boy did she milk it for all it’s worth I think she got about 3 hours of molly coddling and treats..........but eventually Mum’s brain started to work again when she caught her throwing me the eye and Mum says she could have sworn she saw a little mischievous grin on her face as if to say “get me I got them sorted”. Well Mum might be daft but she doesn’t miss much and her nibs was duly transferred to the floor, the towel removed, the treats packed away again and life returned to normal. Cheeky little runt just wandered over to her bed, snuggled down, full as a tick, warm as toast and sated with affection......what a life!!
All that said, I wuv her to bits really, she is young, and innocent (ahem) and could be a terrific protégé for future escapades..........and if I play my cards right if she can get away with so much, any devilment I get up could be put down to her and everyone is happy!!!..............I like it......I think this could be a good summer!!

Gosh I sound like a Vicar with me “Hello Brethern”......get me!! WHO do I think I am??

It’s been a bit dull around ours lately, seems to be cosy nights tucked up on the sofa with a hot chocolate (hot toddy for Dad) and not much else for this poor pooch to do. Now don’t get me wrong I love a cosy snuggle up as much as the next canine but there is such a thing as overload and killing a good thing........and it’s at the killing a good thing stage, in fact I would go as far as to say it’s murder and should be a criminal offense!! Enough already with the cosy nights, furry slippers (which after a bit of a chew I have discovered don’t agree with my constitution), and milky bloody drinks.

I need the garden, I need my big oversized tennis balls that lives in the garden, I need to chase the birds off from dipping in the pond, I need to scare that big ugly Heron that keeps eyeing up the fish, I need to chase my tail round and round and round and round till I stagger as my head spins, I need smelly stuff to roll in, I need leaves to chase after, I need to chase that begger of a cat from down the Aldbrough Rd, I need SPRING......I need dirty puddles to roll in, drink in and pee in.......I need FREEDOM!! Yeah, I get the walks every day and I get out and about but it’s just not the same as all the FUN that is the back garden.

Sorry, got a bit sidetracked there........it’s SAD (Silly Addled Dog) syndrome it gets me every January!

Now down to the news, and what a story that is. Mum’s friend got a new mutt, a companion for their other pooch Annie and I supposedly got a new buddy........hmmmmm dunno about that she keeps snarling and showing me teeth. Her name is Titch and guess what.......she’s a Cockapoo just like me......BUT....... she doesn’t look like me at all. She’s this kinda blondie, beigy, sandy colour......(what’s that all about) and she is so Teeney but........boy does she have a big personality and even BIGGER teeth, believe me I know I’ve seen them close up and personal.

Now I’m a red blooded male woofie like every other but lad’s I’m tellin’ ya, don’t mess with this lady (and I use the term loosely), she is a law unto herself and a Diva to boot. We were all excited she was coming and pulled out all the stops. We had been warned to be gentle and make her feel welcome as she would be scared, unsure and nervous......and we tried.......believe me we tried very hard. Apparently when she arrived everyone was cooing over her worried she’d be stressed out and feeling a bit out of sorts......out of sorts how are ya!! Annie says it was a load of codswallop, well actually she used stronger words but I can’t print them here!!, the “ Hussey ”, Annie ’s name for her not mine says she doesn’t know the meaning of the words, scared, nervous or timid. She called her a right ...........***********.......actually no I couldn’t write that either!!

I wasn’t there for the initial arrival but Annie tells me that within the first hour she just took over. No shame, no shyness, no mooching in gently.....straight in she went, lots of big doggy eyes, licking of faces, hands and generally endearing herself to everyone she met. All licks and cutie hiding the devil incarnate beneath. Annie says...........it’s a ruse! A week later everyone is still cooing over her, picking her up, and generally letting her away with anything.......even.......now wait for this......weeing on the floor!!! Now what would happen if me of Annie did that.....yep, you guessed it....there would be a ticking off and out the back door!!! But not the “ Hussey ” as according to Annie there’s been wee and the other stuff (poop) but not a word......nothing, nada, zilch, rien, .....but get this.........all that is said is ”ahh poor Titch, she is just settling in, we’ll clean it up don’t worry”. Annie ’s words were “what a load of c**p*!!!!

At this stage poor Annie is thinking of running away from home. She says it’s not just because of the toilet business and the number of times she’s slid across the kitchen floor on the mess and ended with her nose in intimate contact with the kitchen door, but......now get this.... every time Annie gets into her own bed to catch a few zzzzzz’s the “Hussy” hops in beside her, spins around like something out of The Omen and then scratches and scratches at the blanket until it’s in a heap half in the basket and half out........and of course the “Hussy” get’s the half in the basket leaving poor Annie having to hop out and try to wrangle a corner of what is hanging over the edge and then wangle herself to fit and lay on the cold hard floor. Annie was in tears relaying this bit. It’s just not right.

Then to rub salt into the wound, when the “Hussey” hears her new Mum coming she leaps out of Annie’s bed quick as lightening and flops into her own tidy, uncrumpled basket, snuggles down and curls up like a little lamb as if butter wouldn’t melt. She pretends to be fast asleep but Annie knows she’s not because she has caught her several times peeking with one eye when Mum hasn’t been looking, and then what happens? Yep, poor Annie gets scolded from their Mum about messing up her bed and to make matters worse they blame Annie for being jealous and so thrashing her bed. It’s enough to drive anyone to the doggy farm. Poor Annie is a nervous wreck .

As for meself, well all I can say is I have tried (and am trying honest) I have done everything to make her feel at home, I even brought my favourite tennis ball (well it was a swingball in it’s former life but somehow......eh..........eh.........well it was liberated) to share.......well I never if she didn’t just snaffle it and wouldn’t give it back........she growled like a demented bear when I got near. I just lay in absolute amazement. Then I thought I’ll share a few of my treats, Mum put a few on the floor for us both....I kept an eye to make sure we got equal amounts (and we did).....but the “Hussey” bounded over to my pile and devoured them before I got even one......and then quick as you like bounded back to her pile and had them too. She’s like a hoover on speed!! I know she’s young (6 months) but somebody needs to take her in hand.....poor Annie is ready for the doggy farm, I’m of the opinion she’ll eat me for dinner and she can con the conmen so what are poor Annie and I supposed to do. At least I get to go home poor Annie doesn’t but feels homeless, excluded and totally bullied by the “ Hussey ”. I have had a word with my Mum and she says she’ll have a word with Annie and “Husseys” Mum.........it’s all so traumatic........and they keep saying we were the same when we arrived first.........NO NO NO NO NO not true........never.......we wouldn’t act like that would we......Nope!!!! I refuse to believe it. There were only a few times I had little accidents, and I only drag out my blankie and mess up my bed on the days of the week with a Y in them, and I never snaffle anyone’s treats.....well only if I think I’ll get away with it.......and I would never pull doggie eyes, and lick faces and try to endear myself to get away with “naughtiness”. Would I????????.........hmmmm.....maybe Hussey will settle in well around here after all..........will keep you posted!

Its bin a wile butt dis mutt haz bin vewy vewy bizzy........an mum didn’t hav dime 2 rite 4 me butt she haz promised 2 do it dis week.

Wahay, Mum has taken over and is writing for me..........it’s much quicker as me paws keep getting stuck on the keys. What I typed above took me an hour......!!!

Now I don’t know about the rest of you but it’s been a really funny time and some strange things have been going on. But before that, did you all see it back again........the white stuff............well you will be pleased to hear I got it licked this time and had everything under control. Only one mishap and that wasn’t my fault......Dad and me had been out for a walk and came back to the top of the drive.....I gingerly placed a paw, just to check things out and it was fine, so I went further but dammit if the snow hadn’t frozen then it rained and then a layer of water got frozen over and me two front paws just shot forward, one back leg went west the other went east and the undercarriage dropped like a ton of bricks.........well it was like something out of Happy Feet I looked like a penguin on my belly speeding at the speed of light towards the brown wheelie bin! Boy am I grateful for that bin it saved me, although I hit it at a lick and ended up with my nose between my back legs touching my bum at least I had stopped and no real damage done. But enough of that, there were other things going on..............!!

The past month Mum has been like a raving lunatic buying up everything and anything in sight, and then saying “I haven’t got anything”.....well Dad kept saying she would have everything if she didn’t keep giving everything away before she had them wrapped??????..dunno what he meant but there was a definite “chill” in the air at times!! To make it worse she kept singing something called “Jingle Bells”.........over and over and over and over and over and over again.........if ever I hear that ditty again I’m likely to pee on the choirsters leg!!!

Anyway, whatever has happened to her I don’t know. The house has all these coloured lights around the ceilings, doors, fireplaces, TV units, banisters, plants and anywhere else they will fit. There is this funny looking tree in the bay window covered with all these shiny balls and glittery stuff.......a bit worried about it as it keeps winking at me, it’s got millions of coloured winking eyes.......SCARY........!! I’ve had a couple of sniffs under there but it’s bigger than me so not sure whether to go on the attack or not. All I know is that Dad keeps saying “it’s worse than Santa’s grotto” whatever that is. Anyway, last Thursday there was a sudden lull.........Thursday night everything suddenly stopped, all the paper that has been all over the floor for the last month was gone, that round roll stuff that’s all sticky was gone and I was no longer having to step carefully as it kept sticking to me fur, no envelopes, cards or anything else.........oh there was a bit of stray sticky stuff cause I found it on Friday stuck behind me ear!! But at last everything was back to normal, Mum was back on the sofa and boy was I glad as I missed cuddlin’ up to her...but it was all kewl. All happy.

Mum and Dad had gone to bed and I was snuggled up in my favourite spot on the sofa when I heard this racket on the roof. First I thought it was birds because they are inclined to prance around up there but no it was night so it wouldn’t be them. Anyway, I shifted a bit and settled back down again but geez if there wasn’t another clatter, a louder one, a much louder one and bits of soot, bird feathers, twigs and I think a piece of egg shell came shooting out of the fireplace......right onto the rug in front of the fire. I could hear rumbling up the chimney......and voices.....I screwed up me eyes and held me breath to listen.........it sounded something like “You’re on a diet next year big fella”........and a lot of wheezing and whooshing........next thing I know there’s two black boots hanging in mid air in the fireplace.........two shiny black boots.....and a kinda muffled sound as if somebody was trying to squeeze a big rubber ball through a thin plastic tube......you know the sound that would make? Well it was like that......but then I’m not sure if it was that or that noise that bursts out after a plateful of Brussels sprouts and they all blame me.....you know the one?? Cause there was a distinct aroma wafting from the direction of the fireplace. Anyway, I lay there listening but kept me eyes shut as I thought maybe like Scrooge it was likely a bad stew was causing me mind to play tricks. I had just settled back down ..........when all of a sudden there was an unmerciful “plop” like a vacuum of air had been released, I tried to keep me eyes shut but no matter how hard I tired I couldn’t, then........ and you won’t believe this.......... but a Big Fat fella fall out of the chimney and landed unceremoniously on the carpet. Well me tongue hung out, me eyes fixed like a startled rabbit, and even after I shook myself to wake meself up from the dream he was still there...................Large as life, a Big Fat Fella with Big Black Boots (Mum would go mad if she saw him wearing them in the house), he had a red jacket trimmed with white fur, red trousers trimmed with white fur and a red hat with a bell on the end and the biggest belly I have ever seen. He had a big long white beard, a big black belt around his middle and the kindest, softest, gentle eyes sparkling behind his big round rimmed glasses. His cheeks were red but I guess that’s probably from the heat of the chimney.

Anyway, after he had composed himself and stood up straight he shook his fist and mumbled well actually bellowed “Rudolph you’re for the abattoir...........” when there was another whine and a sound like coconuts banging together when “fluppity dupp” and you won’t believe this either.............but a reindeer with the brightest red nose you ever saw shot out of the chimney at such a lick it hit the big fat fella and down he went again with the reindeer sprawled on top of him. Such a sight you never did see. All legs, and arms and wails and cusses as they scrambled to get untangled.

Well I didn’t know whether to bark, whine or growl...........so as any good watchdog would do I ran behind the chair beside the window and peeped around the corner. Well you will never guess what happened next...........Mum had left some mince pies out for Friday morning and a big glass of milk.........dunno why she left the carrot but as I say she was acting strange for the past month or thereabouts so I didn’t really question it. But guess what..........??? .....lo and behold if the big fat fella didn’t park himself on MUM’s sofa, put his feet up on the coffee table. lifted the mince pie to his lips and smacked his chops around it, then when he’s finished licked the sugar from his top lip where it had stuck to his beard. Yep....he did, he ate the mince pie......well that wasn’t the end......oh no...... then what does he do, ........he only lifts the glass of milk and in one single glug downed the whole glass!!!!.......well I never the bloomin’ cheek. Firstly he breaks into the house and then he eats and food and drinks our drink.......well I was just pondering that scenario when the other nutter with the red nose struts kewl as you like to the hearth where Mum had left the carrot (oh and a bowl of water) and took it up and took a might big bite out of it and just chewed and smacked his lips like it was meant for him.......yep, the cheek of it and I wouldn’t have believed it but I saw it with me own eyes!

Well I was dumbstruck.......I could feel me fur prickling and was just about to growl when the big fat fella whispers“Scruffy”..........now I was stunned, how did he know my name???? “Scruffy come on out from behind the chair”......his voice was like marrow in a bone.....irresistible......I could feel me legs and body moving towards him all on their own, no matter what my brain said my body just kept going...........suddenly I was sitting on his knee and he was tickling me under the chin.......and I could feel meself lying back in his arms like a baby. It was so comfortable. Anyway, that bloody red nosed thing suddenly nudges me in the ribs and says “Santa, we have to go there’s lot’s more to do”.........well I won’t type what I told the reindeer to do but “off” was one of the words!!!! The big fat fella, eh sorry “Santa” as I now know he is called then tickled me behind the ear and gently lifted me onto the floor, walked over to this HUGE big RED sack and took out the BIGGEST, HUGEST, GINORMOUSIST bone you ever saw....and put it on the sofa for me. Well I didn’t have to be asked twice I was on that sofa before you could say “Ho Ho Ho”, what happened next I have no idea as I was fixated on me bone.......but suddenly there was a flash of light, parcels all over the two armchairs and all I remember is seeing the heels of the boots disappearing up the chimney...........and a loud HO HO HO!!! Merry Christmas!

To be honest I didn’t care at that stage my heart was with the bone.....I gnawed and gnawed and gnawed and must have fallen asleep because next I knew I woke my belly facing the ceiling, me head propped on Mum’s cushion and the bone from the big fat fella lying between me paws and feeling very very calm and happy. Mum and Dad were jumping around the lounge shouting.”he’s been”.......”he’s been”..........now I don’t know who they were expecting but whoever it was wouldn’t have been a patch on the big fat fella in the red suit who gives the best bones in the world. I didn’t want to upset them as so I didn’t mention that actually whoever they had been expecting hadn’t turned up.......just the big fat fella in the red suit......so I just gnawed away on me bone and never mentioned the big fat fella and his buddy! Funny though cause they never once asked where I got that bone from ....... they just seemed to be so excited about somebody they said had been...........but I never saw them..........so dunno what they were on about they must have been deluded!!

Well anyway, that was what went on in my house last Thursday night......I told you funny things went on......but funny nice if you know what I mean and I hope he comes back again cuz that bone is still on the go and is the best ever...........so basically as far as this mutt is concerned that big fat fella in a red suit and his buddy with the big red nose can drop down our chimney anytime.......but it’s gotta be our secret so I won’t tell if you don’t...............*wink*.............ssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

What can I say the deed is done, the tadpoles have spawned, the geese have landed, the hens have laid (okay okay I made that one up) but that old saying “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work” is a load of hogwash!!!

If it looks like work it is work and make no mistake about it and you don’t always reap the rewards either…….*huff*! I’m getting the blame, all en-sundry are looking at me, paw, hoof, tail and claw all pointing in my direction, tittering and sniggering behind the bushes, elbowing and head nodding when I get near, I could swear I saw some curtains twitching down high street the other night…….and humiliation and derision from those I thought were my buddies! Buddies………HAA……that’s a good one, I thought buddies stuck by you through thick and thin, through dark and light, through the good times and the bad, through cat nip and dog poop…….well not so………no sireee…….not so at all.

Right, from the beginning and you lot can make up your own minds and decide if I deserve all this embarrassment!!

As you know project “choccy bunny” has been in the planning for months now. We arranged the steering group; we have had secret trysts and regular briefings. Every detail was planned in meticulous detail, every event planned for, plans A then B, then C, then D and even an E in place for fall back and to cover every eventuality. Nothing left to chance, not a single thing. We weeded out the near do wells and even those who infiltrated as spies. We had it all and we dealt with it. Everything was in place, all rehearsed, trial runs done, and all gloriously successful…….now D-day dawned and everything was ready. All scouts deployed, positions taken and all parties at the ready.

It was early, very very early too early for the likes of this pooch but in honour of glory I rallied forth. Countdown began and with the signal from Pickles everyone lumbered…. Eh……. Sorry…… crept forward synchronised in step and strategically placed so there was a 360° observation as we moved closer to the target namely the patio door. The patio door was unlocked, I had seen to that the night before by distracting Dad before he locked it and knew with his aging mind and forgetfulness he would just go straight up to bed.

Now Ralph had his paw on this one, with his long slender legs he could wrap his paw around the patio door while the rest of us pulled his tail to add leverage to pull the door back…….to be honest it nearly all fell apart there as Dora’s tail got up Tinker’s left nostril and the hair stood on their backs, but Mabel’s reassuring snarl settled everything down again………and we were in. Milo and Rosie were posted, Milo at the front door Rosie at the back door and Fairy on duty at the patio door.

Barney the parrot flew ahead to make sure the path ahead was clear……we waited paws raised ready to spring forth and then his whistle came……the coast was clear. We moved with stealth, our bellies low to the ground , ears pricked for the slightest sound, it was all good , the only sound we wanted to hear was there clear as a bell, we stood, we waited…..baited breathe and there it was…………………………that unmistakable piggy snort called snoring emanating at ear crunching levels from the main bedroom. But even that was in hand, Barney could tolerate it the rest of us had our doggie plugs at the ready and in they went……..oh the relief was tremendous. But undeterred we started our ascent…….step by step…..gently, lithely and with swiftness that the SAS would have been proud of. At last top of the stairs and no problems so far.

Only yards between us and the spoils………we all started to salivate, noses twitching as we smelt that Easter chocolate……YUMMY!!! I tell you that Cynthia nearly blew it then, she lost the run of herself and tried to bolt up the landing…..luckily Esta has experienced this before and in her wisdom had put a lead around her so could hold her belt should anything like this happened………..there was a collective yelp, whiney, meow, tweet, baa and hee haws as she reeled backwards and sat back down again with an unmerciful bump. Now our Esta is a beauty but that face of thunder and glare that hit poor Cynthia between the eyes was one the devil himself would have been proud of.

Anyway, with everyone back under control we all leaned to the left and slunk up the left side of the landing, past the rails and banisters and there it was the room with the Golden Treasure. We all stood for a quiet reverent second, all thinking our own thoughts…….well actually I think it crossed a few of the teams mind if they could swipe the lot and bound off…….but training had paid off and we all stood ready to “loot”.

Now this is where experience counts, Dora who had come out of retirement especially for the occasion knew exactly how to get into the wardrobe. Now how she did it I will never know, but somehow she shot her tail out as straight and steel-like as any poker you have ever seen. She backed up and wiggled and wiggled and wiggled until that poker tail somehow managed to get into the crack between the two doors and a slight opening appeared……..she held like the stale worth she is until the rest of us stood one on top of the other and took the strain between us. Poor Dora it took every ounce of strength she had, when the strain was off she shot across the room hit the radiator on the other side and slid like a ice cream melting down a cone onto the floor and lap prostrate all paws to the four corners of the room and her breath heavy and deep. We all looked torn between the spoils we were about to “liberate” and tending to poor Dora. Well, it was no contest as it turned out within ten seconds she was back on all fours and back in the fold.

So far so good, it was going like a dream…………the eggs were in the basket so to speak and we were ready for our escape. This was the most dangerous part as we know had the loot so if caught we couldn’t plead innocence so it was more important than ever to stick to the plan and go back as we had come just as stealthily as we had entered. It was no problem, everyone played their part beautifully and we were well on our way. We picked up Milo and Rosie on the way out, out the patio door even closing it again after us so as not to raise any suspicion.

Well, we had done it; we were in and out like a dream. We all stood on the patio, pawing each other, nudging and licking and ready to share our ill gotten gain. We calmed down as we still needed to stick to the plan, we had arranged to slip down along the side hedge, out under the fence across the field and into the stable that my buddies Nellie and Megan used to occupy and once there share the goodies. Once again we lowered our bellies (some of us did this easier than others) moved to the hedge at the right hand side of the garden and moved in unison slowly but surely along the perimeter. Not a problem in the world, we got to the second fir tree in the garden when out of the undergrowth shot the biggest, ugliest magpie you ever saw, squawking and carrying as he had spotted our treasure. Well he flew at me like a rabid dog…….beaks, wings, feathers all fluttering and belting me around me lugs…….I didn’t know which end of me was

up………then suddenly I’m smelling I know I’m smelling yucky stuff…….and a sense of cold sneaking fingers creeping through my fur……..I couldn’t find any terra firma under me and somehow or another was on my back, everything was blurred and disorientated…..I struggled, did my damnedest to get something solid under me…so quickly shot me bum around to try and meet my head but what a mistake that was…………..as I shot around I was twirling like an alligator with his prey and it was getting harder and harder to move. Suddenly there was a sense of lightness………a sense of freedom……a sense of of of of of ……….”oh dog pooh”…….it dawned………………I’m in the bloody pond with blanket weed wrapping tighter and tighter the more I spun around…………..the lightness was the backpack slipping off my back and the spoils slowly sinking to the bottom ……….I swear I could hear one of those “sharks” that

Inhabit the pond laugh …..And to make it worse he or she swished/cocked their tail at me as they swim at the speed of Mark Spitz heading straight for the gold paper wrapping our yummy chocolate. No wonder everything was blurry I was still under the water looking up and could see the shadows of my team mates bent over looking ……not at me who was only drowning ………but at the glint of gold as it sunk!! Well that was it, one of them and I still don’t know which one grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and unceremoniously “dumped” me in a wet sodden heap on the grass. I lay there, cold, miserable, scared and waited for one of them to take me in their arms, stroke my fur and warm me up…….I waited and waited and waited……….a little shudder as I felt cold, a sniffle, a pant…...but time passed and nothing so I ventured to a one eyed glance……….and guess what………nobody, not a feline tail, not a rodent fur, not a

Birdie feather, not a donkey breath……….nobody………all gone. Now I ask you what was that all about……in my hour of need they had scarpered.

Apparently, a little rat has told me, they blame me for being afraid of a magpie….what did they expect he took me by surprise lurking under that conifer….he came out of nowhere and attacked me……I didn’t see the big oversized tennis ball which apparently I toppled over and ended up in the stinking pond. Such humiliation, such embarrassment….such a disappointment….and so I hang my head in shame as I wait for it all to die down. So please if anyone has anything that can save my street cred……please please please divert it away from me. I’m feeling very excluded, unloved and a failure….so in the interest of this poor pooch’s self esteem can somebody please do a streak up the main street or some other such larking about to take the heat off me.

I guess I’ll have to do something drastic like sharing all my treats for the next month or so….all I can say it’s true what they say ….It’s a dog’s life. So until next time.

Ps. I am now in retirement and won’t be heading up any projects in the near future.

Woof Woof
Guess what? I need some Prozac and a doggie psychologist. Why you might ask . Then again if you have any sense you won’t - cause nobody would believe you are asking why a mutt who writes a blog on the internet is depressed….sounds mad doesn’t it?.......but guess what you are reading it so what does that say about you guys……….*grin*. …..so just to save you from your own insanity I’ll tell you anyway. Good woffie that I am!
It’s tragic, depressing and real tear jerker. It will make an epic film some day, one on the same scale as King Kong.   You just watch, Hollywood will be knocking on my kennel and the name Scruffy will be as big if not bigger than Lassie and when I am collecting my Doggie Oscar I’ll tell them all it started in a fantastic little East Yorkshire village called Withernwick.
So what disaster has brought on this despair…….it’s a heart breaker so get your tissues ready. Got them? Sitting down? Got a strong drink?
Well here it is, my two buddies Nellie and Megan are gone……….yep……..gone……….just like that…..overnight…….no warning, no breaking it to me gently, no last nose sniffs, no last smelly stuff rolls, no tail swishes…….nothing. The field is like the Marie Celeste, deserted and empty.
One morning Mum opened the door and as I’m want to do I bounded over the steps (still haven’t learned since the snow malarkey) then with my carriage low for faster projection I galloped down the garden, another squat to get under the fence (have to very careful there as the nether regions are very close to the ground), then a quick left turn towards the stable. Now usually at this point there is the sound of hooves shuffling along the ground and then a kinda dull thud as they get quicker and quicker as both the ladies trot over to meet me.   I pulled up quickly, something wasn’t right……stood with one paw lifted and my ear cocked…….no hoof sounds, all I could hear were squawking crows, the wind rustling in the trees, the long doc dancing in the breeze and wisps of hay blowing about!! Oh my doggie………it was all wrong , what was going on………..there was a strong smell of something in the air, was it fear?...... was it
sweat?………what was the smell?……..I couldn’t believe it……..it couldn’t be……..that smell………it was………frrrrrrrrrr………..frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………oh it’s hard to bark it out……….frrrrrrrrreeeeeee……..PURE FRESH AIR...…….nothing but FRESH AIR!!!
My doggie heart skipped a beat, where was the sweet smell of Nellie and Megan, the gentle whiff of the horse muck, the dust particles of the hay tickling my nose, the smell of oiled leather…….all gone………nothing but fresh air!!!! Where were they………I went tearing up to the top gate near the road…….nope not up there……tore down to the bottom fence………no nobody there……..then zigged zagged back and forth across the fields……but to no avail, they were gone……..not to be found.   I could get their smell on the ground but the trail didn’t lead anywhere. My buddies were gone!!
I slumped to the ground, head on my paws and listened………no whinney, no snort……oh where oh where could they be. The light faded (suitable eye wipe here please, gosh now I’m directing as well) as I lay forlorn, hungry and alone not even noticing the damp grass seeping through my despair wracked little body…….*sniff sniff*…..my buddies were gone. What would life be like without Nellie and Megan…….what would I do without them……..where oh where have they gone. I was desolate, despairing, desperate, dejected and dead inside………my life would seem incomplete, nobody to frolic with, no horsey muck to roll in (why is Mum punching the air)…….and no whinny and snorting to make me laugh (they made stupid noises, real girlie), I lay there and lay there and lay there until me belly starting rumbling and I needed some grub and the starvation drove me home (otherwise I’d have stayed there for days ya know) hauling my
wet, cold, defeated little black curly mass to the fence, a slow crawl back home, a picture so heartbreaking as a bedraggled and wowbegone doggie slowly ambled back home, knowing I would never see my buddies again *tears*.
It’s now been weeks since the big move, the grass has grown bigger than me, it’s a desolate site with no horse muck to roll in, no sounds of whinnying and snorting and no buddies to play with…..*sob sob*.. It’s all just a distant memory now, a time in my doggie life that was one of running through the meadows, prancing with the butterflies, nipping at Megan’s ankles, getting the odd kick from whichever of them took the fancy…….been peed on a few times, Nellie nudging me until my sides hurt……and worst of all never sharing their grub……….actually now that I think about it, maybe it wasn’t so great……..how would you feel if a giant decided to kick you, pee on you, nudge you until your sides hurt and never sharing his food……hmmmmmmmmm……….maybe this waffle has a happy ending after all……….I say good luck to them….hope they never come back…….and I never liked them anyway I was only pretending!!!! So
there……..two ole nags…….only fit for the glue factory!!!
So you’ll be delighted to hear I won’t be taking the Prozac and the doggie psychologist is on hold, I think I’ll manage very well thank you……..I got the whole field to meself now and nobody to interrupt my cavorting around. Nah all in all it’s goodbye to bad rubbish.   But the Doggie Oscars are still in me sights!
Right, that’s me done for another while………will catch you all soon.
Woof Woof
Scruffy xxx

Well it’s been kinda quiet around here for the past few weeks, all that heat and not a tan to show for it……..not that I get much of a tan but the belly does get a bit of a reddening when I stretch out on my back, paws behind the head and sunglasses on…..a bitta splish, splash splosh with the suncream and I’m away with it.

He and me we got this thing going on with a ball, a real competition to see which of us can get the ball off the other……..he’s a howl…….excuse the pun…..if I have it he does his big eyes bit (wouldn’t mind but I taught him that and now he uses it against me) and yelps to let everyone know he wants it……..mean time I run under the picnic table so the oldies can’t catch me and hold tight for dear life. But Alf dude has it sussed….he’s a clever mutt……..he yelps and yelps until somebody feels sorry for him and I can’t stand the yelping anymore lose me concentration and then he pounces……..and is gone with it. Respect man you gotta have respect for that kinda cuteness.

Alfie’s gotta a kewl muggle in his life called Claire, she is sooooooooo gorgous…….big brown eyes, heart shaped face and a figure to die for……..if I was a muggle I’d be in there like a shot, but not a chance for this poor luv struck pooch………..but it’s not all bad she wuvs me too and picks me up and gives me cuddles and has been known to take me for the odd ramble on our own around the village…..and I wuv it when she tickles me behind the ears…..ya know if Mum and Dad weren’t around I’d wanna live with Claire and Alfie….they are so Bad! Alfie dude says she’s so kewl and thinks he’ll be able to get us a huge supply of doggie yummies cause Claire wants to make him happy. He promises to share and doggie friends always share….don’t they?

Anyway, Alfie dude is on holidays in the Isle of Wight so mischief making has been a bit scarce……..I know I do it on my own but it’s not the same without your buddy we kinda spur each other on and it’s easier then when there are two of us to get scolded and also we get double the treats when they feel guilty and want to make it up to us…..*grin*………But……he’s promised to bring me back something nice from the Isle of Wight betcha he can’t though cause I don’t think he knows but it must be covered in the snow stuff if it’s called the Isle of Wight and there won’t be many pickings if that’s the case and he’ll probably catch a chill. Real surprised at his Mum Janet as she wuvs the sun so what she is doing going to somewhere with all that snowy stuff I don’t know……….muggles you never can figure them out.

Which reminds me, project “Choccy Bunny” is coming along…….nuff said! Walls have ears and muggles can smell a plot a mile off….. ……..”paw touching nose”……Mum’s the word but it’s moving along nicely! Training is taking place with a few adjustments here and there and…….No…….No……that’s it no more information………!!!! I’ve said too much already.

Righteeoo……gotta go……..dins dins calling………woof ya all soon.

Did ya go…….. did ya…………. did ya????……….it was brill, there was everything and more than everything. It was hot…..oh yeah real hot…….. me fur thought it would shrink in the heat…..… but they made sure there were loads of bowls of water for us poor hounds. What do mean, what am I talking about???……have you been on planet ZOG for the past few weeks???………..The Fete!…….Last Sunday!….At the Playing Fields? Still dunno what I’m talking about………..hmmmmmmmmmffffff…….well I just don’t know, you couldn’t miss the signs on every road coming into the village……!!!! And they say us woofies can’t read…….well I got the message loud and clear………!

Anyways, I was just so excited, Mum had been telling Dad about it and how hard everyone had been working to get it all organised and how it was going to be brill! Well ya know me……..the hint of a doo and I go all weak in the tail……..any bit of an event and I’m there………ready to go!

I woke on Sunday morning………..did it gently though opened one eye half way and took a quick glance towards the patio door……well bugger me lugs but there were spots on the window………oh no………RAIN……….no way……….no woofin way………Mum had said the fella on the telly said it was gonna be a nice day………and there at first glance were spots on the window……….well I huffed and just dropped my head back on me paws……..what a swizz……Mum had been saying all week rain would be miserable ……… well actually I can’t really put what she said on a family blog…..but let’s just say it wasn’t “oh dear”……..well I just slipped back into that rabbit hole I was dreaming about and settled back down again…….the worst had happened and so the event was off! Sulking I was, English summers me Granny!

Dad came trotting down the stairs……singing………not a good sound!!! I just snuggled deeper and pretended not to hear…….what was there to sing about…….the day was ruined……hmmmmmmmmppppppppppffffffffffff ……..!!

Next thing I hear him opening the patio door…….quickly…………… and I hear him jump down the patio steps……….now that’s not his usual behaviour in the rain……it’s usually something like “rain, we get one ****** day sunshine and then rain, rain, rain…….”, then stomps over to the kettle, the button goes down and more rambling!! But not today…..even with the rain spots…..what’s going on I wondered?????........ so I decided to take a peek…………there he was, shorts on no t-shirt, no shoes and sitting on the sun-lounger………..what was going on????………..he shouldn’t be doing that in the rain????..........

I had to investigate further……so reluctantly gave meself a shake, both paws out in front and a long stretch (tail cocked in an arch) and then a gentle flick of the left leg to the left, the right leg flick to the right and slowly ambled towards the patio door……(no point in over exertion)………..then opened my eyes ……….WOW!!………..WOW!!!……..WOW!!!. Blinded…………the big yellow thing was in the sky and the light hit me eyes like a cat with attitude, a belt of heat hit me in the mush and a waft of sausages from two doors up hit me nostrils like manna from heaven. What was going on?????……..RAIN……I saw rain…….I know I did……..the window was spotty so definitely rain……..!!!! I furrowed me brow and turned back to the patio doors………..the culprit for the spots……..a BIG HUMONGOUS cobweb that was just in the corner of the door right where I was peeking out....little spots of dew sprinkled throughout…..so with me fringe hanging low, half an eye open and a cursory glance I got the wrong end of the bone!!

Anyways, after a lazy morning it was time to head for the party………………there was all kinda things down there…….and I have to tell ya the Dog Show was the centre of it ………Us Witherwick Cannines are up there with best of them……..what a Classy bunch we are……I was dead proud I was, there were every colour, size, make and attitude there and by my reckoning we put the rest of the UK in the doggie doodoo when it comes to poise, temperament, obedience (some exceptions were noted, namely me but those footballs were just such temptation) and most of all just plain CUTE and GOOD LOOKING, I reckon we are the Top Dog of the canine world…………Krufts……..eat your heart out you are wasting your time, Withernwick is the one they all want to win!!!....

Apart from the ace dog show there were all kinds of stuff, Mum came home with bags of fudge, cakes and bit’s n bobs that she will never use……mind you nothing new there then. Dad had a go at the coconut shy……*throwing my eyes to heaven*…….the less said about that the better!! I won’t mention the Hook a Duck……other than I never saw it done that way before and have no idea how you could even get something into that position!!!! but fair is fair I have to say Mum was impressive on the hand shakin thingy……she did it…….yep all the way around…….I suspect they took the battery out just to help her out but she isn’t having any of it……she insists she has the steadiest hand this side of the signpost on the Aldbrough Rd. SHOW OFF!!!

Now those burgers……….YUMMY YUMMY YUMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY…….I saw one bloke buying three…….but he bought then at three different times but ate them all himself…….*grin*……..liked his style. As for Mr Moo’s cold stuff…………WOW……funny stuff that reminded me a bit of that white snowy stuff we got earlier in the year……..very cold and after a while you can’t feel your tongue anymore, didn’t stop me slurping out the carton though and Mum had two……….yep two………!!!!!!!!

I tell ya though I had to sit down for a while and rest……..not because of my exertion but I was worn out by those dancing girls……..they were a kickin and a twirling and a jumpin and a movin like like like well like something possessed……..it was so hot though I dunno how they didn’t expire……and they didn’t even have bowls of water…….??? Strange these humans they won’t use bowls they use these poncy little cup things…….hardly a mouthful in them…….but hey I suppose you have to humour them. They were brill though………everything was brill and I wanna go next year again………I promise I’ll try and not get distracted but somebody put my most favourite thing in the whole wide world in my eyeline (the footballs) and I just couldn’t do it………I wanted them……..I needed them………I thought I would die if I didn’t get to them………but Mum wouldn’t let me and then this big black doggie had my other favourite a squeaky toy and she wouldn’t let me have that either………*doggie sigh* there were low points too ya know!

There was this funny looking thing where people kept throwing wet sponges at a person who stuck their head and hands out of a big wooden thing…….Mum has been going on and on and on and on and on and on at Dad to make one for the garden for him to rest quote “his weary head”…………I don’t get it he is refusing………..no siree he’s not having it……and she keeps saying she thinks it would be a great idea, it would be a good bonding experience……but nope he’s just not playing ball…..shame really I’d love to have a go myself…..*grin*.

Anyways I had a great day, Mum and Dad said it was brill and everyone there seemed to be happy and enjoying themselves………Mum says it must be have been a lot of work and everyone did a fantastic job and she loved seeing all the people from the village there and hopes it will be on again next year.

As for project Choccy Bunny…………plans are in progress *wink*……”nuff said” ….!!!!!

Right I’m off to get some chomp……..it’s been a long week for a working doggie. Have to checkout Meggie and Nellie too so better go get everyone organised.

Great to see all you buddies at the Fete……..didn’t know there were so many of us…..but as I said we are a canny bunch!!!..........Don’t mind that ole calendar with all those buff Witherwick menfolk, I think we should have our own Withernwick Calendar featuring us animals…Calendar Dogs..!!!!

Nah I dont 'ave a doggie stutter………..justtt Got mee paw……… stuk on dese likkle square dings (on the keyboard), ttttthhhey r no gud 4 doggie pawwwwwws…… and Mum’s bizzy so kant 'elp me rite now.. aktwally she’s upstairs katching sum zzzzz’s so I got 2 tri 2 du it miself. It’s kewl…..I bin trying now for 4 'ours aaaannnnnd have neerly got de hang ov pressing and jumpppping back so I don’’’’’’’’t press d same lllllletterr lots of times. It’’’’’’’s getting bbbbbbbetter!

Okie dokie……..2 more ours n its no guud mum iz bak now n gonna du it a cuple of doggie hed coks nd a bit ov paw liftin nd shakin did de trik.

Wahay, Mum’s back………….Phew I’m glad Mum has taken over, I think I got RPI (repetitive paw injury) and my bummy is sore from jumping back and landing on it……hmmmmmmmm…….think I’ll wait for Mum from now on.

Right, Easter Update………..IT WAS BRILL! BUT……….the plan went out the window, mad baby Kady came (more about that later) but I didn’t get to meet Patrick….two days before he was to come with his Dad, his Dad was rushed into hospital and Patrick got an ear infection so neither of them could fly over…….everyone was really disappointed, and me more than anyone………..all that helping to keep things clean by licking off food from faces, hands, bibs, the floor, the armchair, the walls, a prime opportunity gone to waste……what a bummer! I really was willing to help out soooooooooo much…….*doggie sigh*. But I’m living on a promise…………he’s to come over soon…….can’t wait.

But all was not lost mad baby Kady lived up to expectation, Mum lost the plot completely, (I know nothing new there) coz apart from her usual kissey, huggie, luvey duvey stuff she gave Kady Patrick’s share as well, it was non stop, …….but guess what this Easter thing is pretty neat….Kady got loads and loads of these big chocolate round things, Easter eggs I think they are called………..well I tell ya next year we will be able to supply Asda, Morrissons and probably Tesco too. That’s if they last a year…………I think a plan is in order to break into where the stash is in the wardrobe in the back room……but I think this one will have to be a team plan……...wonder if the terrier gang are up for it, and maybe Meggie and Nellie…….Meggie always has good ideas……….have to do a recci and see……will get back to ya on that one!

Mum’s Mum came too and got Kady a big what did they call it??…….oh yeah ………Wendy House, it is soooooooooooooooo kewl. It has chairs and a table……only problem with it is it’s pink and purple…….fooooweee………girlie or what………but anyways I kept closing me eyes so I couldn’t see it properly and when you squint it looks kinda blueeee……so that’s okay. Mum puts lot’s or plastic plates and cups and things on the table and me and Kady played in it for ages and ages…….I brought in me raggie, boney and tiger tug…….and Kady had lot’s of cakes, chocolate, crisps and this black stuff that when she put it in my dish it sprayed all over the place and when I drank it the bubbles went up me nose and made me sneeze…….Mum told Kady not to give it to me as she said it’s called coke and not for doggies……….my buddy Kady didn‘t listen though cause when Mum wasn’t looking she gave me more…………she’s kewl…….she’s my best friend …….she never says No when I cock my head and lick her hand, if she has something I can eat she gives it to me………..yep we are real good friends Kady and me! I was sad to see her going home on Monday but she’s coming again soon. She won’t talk to anyone on the phone now unless she talks to me first………and she still calls me Scwuffy……….humans…I don’t get them ya know! Did you ever hear of a dog talking on a phone……..nah didn’t think so neither have I but they keep putting the phone thing to me ear, I haven’t a clue what they think I’m going to do but hey it keeps them happy!!!!

Right, I better go and rally the troops we got a plan to make. Think I’ll call this one Project Choccy Bunny………!. The biggest problem is there are two doors to get through, the bedroom door itself and the wardrobe door, so may need the two tier doggie stand for that. One of us jumps up with front paws on the door the other jumps on top and turns the door knob with their mouth. Hmmmmmmmmm, maybe I’ll have to widen the team, trouble is the bigger the team the smaller the spoils………ah hell what about it, think I’ll ramble over to Pet’s corner and see what talents are hidden there, Ralph and Mabel look like a good bet, Barney the Parrott and Pickles the Russian rat have skills I bet we could use. Boy, when I look we are a talented lot……….poor old Balderick will just have to direct from above seen as he fell off his perch. It’s a young team (apart from Dora the cat, who has apparently retired) so there will be a lot of training and planning will need to be done. It’s a long term project but hopefully we’ll have the stash sorted by Christmas.

Right, that’s me done for now. Woofie slurps to everyone! The plan is in the pipeline!!!! *wink*

NEWFLASH

It’s Easter on April 10^th and I’ve just heard Mum telling Carl the MAD BABY KADY is coming

for

………….wait for it……………

4 whole days

and

get this the other one, Patrick (grandson) is coming at the same time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOS – HELP- SOS – HELP - SOS

Now I haven’t met him yet because he lives in Ireland but from what I have heard about him he’s worse than Kady cause he’s younger…….geez what is a pooch supposed to do now. I’ll be sandwiched and end up like a flat piece of black pudding!!!

I’ve seen him on the webcam and seen photos of Mum with him in Ireland and it’s bad, she goes all gooey and mushy when he’s around and with the two of them it will be slushy, fooeey, gooey kissey kissey babies and no doubt this poor ole Mutt will be the entertainment for the whole 4 days. Actually I got a plan hatching here……..hmmmm……..*paw tappin*. Thinkin……………thinkin…………GOT IT. How’s this for a plan!

I’ve been spitting feathers for the last couple of weeks cause Mum found out about all the tit bits, the extended tummy did it, so it’s been fewer treats and more walkies for this pooch……so I suppose that will stand me in good stead when the TWO MAD BABIES arrive to play with SCRUFFY…..(don’t tell anyone but I luv it really….*grin*).

BUT the other bit is, they LUV to feed me treats and particularly their food so it’s not all bad……….actually it’s all GOOD, more treats, sticky fingers to lick, sticky lips to slobber around, yum yum…..it’s looking better already, in fact I can’t wait. Kady doesn’t eat much and sneaks her sausages and everything she doesn’t want under the table and I help her out, yum yum, oh yeah and I get half, nah maybe three quarters of any bag of crisps she tried to eat……….as for the chocolate………..HEAVENLY…..even though it’s bad for doggies, she eats a piece, I eat a piece, she licks a piece and I get the rest and then when it all melts in her handies I get to lick it off. Yep things are definitely looking up. As for Patrick, he looks like he wears his food so there’s potential there too……will fill you in on him when I got it sorted. Yeah the more I think about it the better it seems instead of one Mad Baby luvin' me, there’ll be two and lots of nice things to lick, liberate and clean up for them. Yes Siree……….I can’t wait! Will start working on the cutie rolling over when told, lots of big brown eye head cockin’ action, sitting when told and paw giving……..right that’s the plan…..practicing already and the more of that I do the more yum yums will come my way……..!!!! Hey man it’s all GOOD! Roll on the 10^th……..Will let you know how it goes.

Woof…….for now!

Scruffy xxx

ps Really sorry to hear that Baldrick fell off his perch, and hey we got a good ole display of us animals on Pet’s Corner…….we rule!! Luving meeting you all!

Guess what, I met a new friend online today…….and he’s a BIGGIE! Mum has a friend in Canada, somebody she went to school with and she has a Bouvier des flandres (posh or what) if you wanna see one try here http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/bouvierdesflandres.htm. He looks just like a big me. Mums says it’s really strange how many of those she went to school with all love dogs and have similar kinds. She reckons they are all daft softies and just fall in love with big brown eyes.

This morning I was down at the playing fields with a my ever faithful ball, …….poor Mum she hasn’t got a clue really, she threw it a couple of times and it ended up behind her………..but hey you have to luv her for trying. It was great to be out and about again after all that white stuff, I can’t wait for summer I just LUV summer. I spend all my time outside either charging around the garden or just sitting on the patio watching those daft birds flying and swooping all over the place. Sometimes they swoop on the pond really quickly and don’t get their timing quite right and there’s a scattering of water and a whooshing of wings as they try to get themselves upright before they end up unintentionally snortling in the pond. They are so daft………

The pigeons are a bit more canny, they sit on the fence, eye up the pond, make a plan and then swoop for a drink. There is one BIG pigeon that I call Einstein because he has it all sussed out. He sits on top of one of the steps on the little waterfall that runs into the pond and drinks from there……and then when he wants a bath just pops onto the first step and wriggles around splashing and splishing to his heart’s content……clever birdie!. He has also discovered he can wiggle along to the edge of the step and kinda plop onto the next one and sit with the water trickling down over him……….he’s a right canny one is Einstein. The rest of them just make hard work of it.

Well we are back at work and it’s grrreeaatt, everyone says they missed me and I’m getting lots and lots and lots of nicies…..*grin*, Mum can’t figure out why my tum tum has grown but I’m not telling and you don’t either………..!!!! pwwwweeaasseee…….!

Last weekend was brill, Kady (granddaughter) stayed the weekend……..what a hoot……she’s a mad BABY! I thought I had lot’s of energy and could run around like a mad thing………well I’ll tell ya she had me shattered……..Mum reckoned eventually I just collapsed and lolled on the floor with my tongue hanging out…….not a pretty sight really but she was right.

Kady has this URGE to chase me all the time and snuggle in, and “massage” my paws…..what is a poor doggie supposed to do……….well I’ll tell ya. I got the hang of this chasing game……she chases me from the kitchen to the study to the lounge, then she turns around and I chase her from the lounge to the study to the kitchen and we start all over again. Clever canine or what……I thought I’ll wear her out and then I’ll get back to snuggles on the sofa beside MUM……..good plan? Yeah you would think so…………….WRONG………she doesn’t wear out, there is no battery compartment (I had a look) she can go forever and ever and ever………and DID. Now don’t get me wrong I WUV her to bits but a doggie needs his rest ya know……….never mind the beauty sleep. Anyways, I thought I had it licked I pretended to be asleep……….dumb of what………you guessed it she just lay down beside me, put her head on my shoulder and we both fell asleep……*grin*. Mum took some photos and reckons you can’t tell us apart. She is kewl though, and she gives me all her titbits……*grin*…….even if she can’t even get my name right………..Scwuffy……….who is Scwuffy……..but she’s okay wweally.

Well after my hectic exploits with the little ‘un, it’s time for some R&R so it’s WOOF WOOF from me until next time.

Yep, it’s me again……..did ya see it?.... did ya……..that white “snow” stuff was back again…..aha I got it licked this time and no accidents.!!!!!!!!

I sat and watched as all these big white fluffy bits fell outta the sky, I watched and watched and watched. At the beginning I was kinda growling but Mum wasn’t paying any heed so it must be okay. Its funny stuff, you can’t see it when it lands and then suddenly it’s all white…..I don’t get it, it’s just too much for a humble canine. But, the good news is I took Mum’s advise of look before you leap and when nature called just let out my normal little yelp, door opened and I gingerly placed a paw on the patio step, and ambled down gently………..no flying leaps this time….....no sireeeee………gently does it, slowly and gently.

It’s weird though, your pads get all cold and wet and it kinda crunches when you step on it……I had a bit of a wobble as I was only standing on three legs (had the third one raised up as you do ready to go) and was just watching a little tit bouncing around getting a drink out of the pond when a BIG and I mean BIG pidgeon flew out from under the ivy covering the gas tank………it nearly frightened the curls outta me fur! I did get a bit of a shock and very nearly wobbled over but I regained my composure and stood firm (you would have been proud of me)………and without further adoo did what a dude needs to do! Still managed to get the big snowballs around my legs, and they get really heavy but Mum threw my favourite ball all the way down the garden and guess what I lost the run of myself and charged after it……..well there were bits of that white stuff flying in every direction and actually it was really kewl……..it kept getting up my nose and I kept sneezing but it was great and soon I was rolling around like a mad thing………Mum laughed and laughed……..and I think Nellie and Meggie were laughing over the fence but the stuff was in me ears so I couldn’t hear too well.

Anyways, I had a BRILL time rolling around, and you know what is really mega……if you lick the stuff it tickles your tongue, feels real cold and then just disappears…….its magic I swear, I kept licking and licking and licking and then couldn’t feel my tongue………lol…..anyways when I had done and gone back to Mum she reckoned I looked like one big Cotton Wool Ball (whatever that is). It was real good though cause Mum brought me in and wrapped me up in a big warm fluffy towel and snuggled me in……….boy I love that and then I got a big bowl of nicely warm chicken soup………YUMMMY……it’s my favourite.

Other than that it’s been a bit quiet as Mum is laid up with a bad knee, had some sort of op and is off work……….boo hoo……all I know is they keep telling me to be careful………and I keep trying to tell them I’m always careful……..okay I’m off for another cuddle.

Gotta question?...........what was all that white fluffy stuff that fell outta the sky this week, did you see it? It covered everything and made everything look clean and white…..hmmmmm……strange stuff………..didn’t like it much cause as I had a couple of very unkewl moments which I’ll tell you about if only to warn my other canine buddies to be wary of the white stuff so they can be prepared when it’s about.

Monday morning, I went to the back door let out a little yelp to let Mum know I needed to go out and do what a dude needs to do. Mum opened the door and as usual I bounded over the two steps expecting to land on the patio,………….. I love those few seconds you are in the air with your ears blowing in the wind just before you land………… and I have it timed to a millisecond so know exactly when and where I will land. Never miss and never make a mistake……………….but alas that white stuff threw a spanner in the works…….and something went very wrong! As usual I jumped I felt the wind in my lugs but then the shock…………..disaster……………. before I landed in my usual timely manner my undercarriage hit this cold white fluffy stuff with an almighty plop, me four paws spread at right angles to the rest of me, my ears spread out making big imprints in this stuff and a violently cold whoosh of something shot up my nose making me sneeze……..well I didn’t know where I was and must have looked like a big black splodge on an immaculate white carpet. Not a pretty sight from my angle!! And I felt like a proper pillock! But worse was to come. The sharpness of that cold must have got the better of me bladder because as I lay there in all me splendour and glory a little warm yellow patch appeared and spread…………… I didn’t know what I was at first and I swear it happened all by itself…….I never felt a thing…………but when I realised I was disgusted……..a kewl dude like me laying spread eagled and now a potty accident…….…NOT KEWL! Not kewl at all………..very very embarrassing.

Anyway, I had a quick peek around to make sure nobody had seen me but too late, I could hear Megan and Nellie laughing away with that silly piercing whinny they have and worse still Mum had called Dad to look and they both had tears of laughter running down their faces as I just lay there in my predicament, I think I was in shock as I couldn’t move. Well I can tell you I wasn’t impressed, I scrambled about a bit to try and get the paws back under me but that white stuff was having none of it I just kept sinking and couldn’t get myself upright. Eventually when Dad had stopped laughing he ambled out (it was weird though that white stuff seemed to eat up his legs as I couldn’t see his feet only the top of his willies) to pick me up. Don’t tell him but I was really glad as I thought I would be stuck there forever. Anyway, he brought me in but I had all these white fluffy balls wrapped around my legs and hanging from my ears………I looked a right wally……..not a kewl look ya know, and defo one that wouldn’t do my street cred any good. Anyway those ruddy white balls were stuck fast, I had to lick and lick to get rid of them……it took me ages and to make it even worse I ended up in a big puddle where some of them they just disappeared into water…….I just don’t get it, one minute they are thick white balls the next they have gone and there’s just puddles of water on the floor. Strange stuff!!!!

Worse still I heard the folks talking though saying there was more on the way and it was going to get worse, they kept calling it “snow”, a funny name and I haven’t a clue what it means but it seems to be what that white fluffy stuff is called. It was on the TV, the radio, the neighbours were talking about it………so as I lay in my bed that night I planned my strategy for the next morning, I was only going to be caught once and so had my plan all ready.

Got up the next morning all prepared, I was going to shorten the flying leap and land gently so I didn’t sink and then when I WAS ready attend to my morning needs. So at the right moment I went through the ritual, went to the patio doors, let out the little yelp, Mum opened the door, all going to plan with no problems. Out I went all prepared, I jumped off the step flew through the air, ears flying in the breeze ready for the shorter lunge and a soft landing and guess what……………”THUD”…..I landed with a splat and ended up in the same position as the day before, paws at right angles and my undercarriage on something a lot harder…….yep you guessed it the white stuff was gone…….nada, zilch, zero, nothing……….I just landed with an unmerciful wallop on the concrete patio and this time the bladder got such a wallop ended up in the same predicament……what a swizzz………what is the world trying to do to us woofies. One minute it’s soft landings and white snow the next it’s concrete thuds and a sore undercarriage. Well I’ll tell you that’s me done……..no more flying leaps, Mum says I should have listened to that ole saying look before you leap……and sad as I am to say it she’s probably right. So on that note I am going to lie down snuggled up beside Mum and gently rest me undercarriage and from now on there will be no more flying leaps out the patio door without a full inspection before proceeding. I LEARNED MY LESSON the hard way so canine friends be warned that white stuff can give you a right pain in the nethers!!!!!

Well what a week it’s been I have been on my holidays……yep……holidays to work!!! What kind of a holiday is that I ask ya!

Well the story was, Mum & Dad were going to Ireland for a few days and ….you won’t believe this but the airline wouldn’t allow dog’s to travel…….hhhhmmmmffff….I never heard such stale dog biscuit in all my life………as if I’d travel with them anyway………*pout pout*…! But apart from that I was feeling excluded, unwanted, not acknowledged unloved, and (laying it on thick here because I’ve been getting lots of sympathy and lots of extra little tit bits since they got back) abandoned. The fact is I got away with murder, had loads of cookies, cheese, chicken, lots and lots of walks, two new balls, a squeaky toy and a new collar all these will never make up for those abandoned feelings, I’ll be in dog therapy for years (oh I forgot to mention the special ball I pinched off the swingball but nobody said a word they all just laughed)……*grin* and those shoe chews are just yummy!..........but no………*shaking my head from side to side*, none of that makes up for the trauma caused……….(reckon I’ll get away with the guilt tripping for about another week)........!!! More brown eyes and head cocking a plenty…..*grin*.

Don’t let on but I really enjoyed it and would have hated going on a big airplane thing……if we canines were meant to fly we’d have been given wings and I have yet to meet one of us with wings……………………so no on second thoughts I much prefer to keep these four paws on terra firma thank you very much, but it doesn’t stop me using the guilt card…*woofhee woofhee*, even though I LOVE being there………..oops………sorry but another little doggie biscuit has just landed on the rug for me……kewl….so you’ll have to excuse me now as I go gnaw on my bikkie and snuggle up on the sofa beside Mum for a while.

Hope all you fellow dwellers are well and hopefully will see more of you all when the weather improves……..even I’m getting fed up with mucky puddles and getting scolded when I get all muddy, wet, smelly and yuckie. Mind you, it’s fun playing with Megan and Nellie (two horses in the field)……and worth the showering bit to get all that lovely muck off. Okay…….gotta go there’s a bikkie with my name on it!

Wahay I am all excited, just came across the Withernwick website as I was sniffing around in cyberland so decided I’d put pawprint to paper and say a big WOOF to everyone.

My name is Scruffy………..dunno where they got the name, seems a bit strange to me but hey that’s what they holler when there are goodies going a begging, so it’s okay with me, it gets me what I want when I want it….LOL! This is me…..sorry about the tongue but somehow it just pops out all by itself and just hangs there. I’m nearly 3 now well two years 9 months and love any devilment going. Norman one of the neighbours reckons I’m head honcho of the escape brigade…….he reckons I wander up to theirs, wind up his two terriers, help them escape then dart by to mine, run inside and leave them hanging about and he has to go looking for them. Dunno what he’s talking about…..Me do something like that ………..nah never….*grin*.

After 2yrs and 9 months (hint here birthday April 24^th, yummies welcome) I have Mum and Dad well trained. It’s amazing what big brown eyes and a head cock can get ya……so all you other canines out there try it, it’s brill!! it will get you anything you want, little tip though if it’s a little slow coming a gentle whimper will soon speed it up….*grin*!!

I go to work with Jacinta, she says I’m a pet therapy dog (whatever that is). All I know is I go to work with her and gets lots of hugs, cuddles, treats and walks from the people who live there, and when I’m tired or sometimes even if I’m not and just want to be quiet I just sprawl out on the sofas…..what a life!! It’s tough but somebody has got to do it…..and I reckon I’m the best dog for the job. Pay is poor but the conditions are good, recommend it to anyone.

Right, I think that’s probably enough about me, I was real pleased to see the website and will see some of you human and woofies out and about.